Collateral
by Rufio the Sheep
Summary: “The idea that all this time we merely had to die to be given our hearts back, laughable, and we weren‘t laughing.” Years after the end of Organization XIII, certain loose knots and fallen kings are on the mend. Xemnas/Saix
1. Prologue

**Summary:** "The idea that all this time we merely had to die to be given our hearts back, laughable, and we weren't laughing." Years after the end of Organization XIII, certain loose knots and fallen kings are on the mend. Xemnas/Saix

**Rufio:** First off, to make things clear right off the bat, I have molested, raped, and Stockholm syndrome-d the HELL out of what happened in kingdom hearts so that this fiction would make sense. The first person who defies my logic I'm going to eat.

Pre-Chapter notes:

- I WILL explain Ansem

- I WILL explain everything else

- You WILL donate to my charity.

**Disclaimer: **No shit not mine or else Sora…pfft…WHAT Sora…

**Warnings: **Slash obviously, violence, dead blonde kings, abuse of Ansem's personality, abuse of Xemnas, house wife Xemnas (eventually), Pedophile bear!, Violence, cursing, eventually sex, and death, and anger, and werewolves, and my own interpretation on where the HELL everyone came from.

Have fun darlings…

Song inspiration for this Prologue: "Muscle Museum" -Muse

* * *

_Choices were made, accompanied by decisions and delusions. A dream, perhaps a wish, granted only by the death of others. We killed those people, perhaps not directly, but we did. Sent our shadow soldiers to devour them, to end them, simply so we could be real once more. We took away their hearts, in hopes to gain ours. We longed to fill the emptiness of our chests, the gaping, rusted hole in our bodies that creaked with each haunting breeze. We thought, we believed, that by destruction and ruin we'd be given back what was taken from us. Our old lives, our families and friends; we wanted them back._

_So we damaged that around us for selfish goals._

_We killed and created more like us. Lesser beings just as empty as us._

_Took and tormented the lives of children, put mere kids in the line of our blood soaked path_

_Victory was so simple, so clean and there, staring us in the face. Just one more heart, one more plan, just one more time knowing one of our "own" died and it would be alright.. We would be whole._

_We were all defeated by a boy…a mere child that we had strung up like a marionette._

_Perhaps it was for the best._

_Though, the idea that all this time we merely had to die to be given our hearts back, laughable, and we weren't laughing._

Collateral

The pain came first, numb overtaken by the overwhelming shock of waking nerves after a long sleep. Tendrils of fire wrapped around each vein, cutting into the marrow, causing each inch of flesh to throb. He would have screamed but his body was not cooperating, refusing, denying his control. There was fabric at his fingertips once the flesh stopped peeling away, cushion on his back, and something frigid at his neck. He screamed, finally able to hear more then the thrashing of his terrified heart. He could feel the tremors of panic rushing his system, the uncertainty and terror…And worst of all…

He could feel.

"Stop!" The voice sounded foreign to him, unfamiliar, but it was a voice that was screaming what he was thinking as hands began to smooth over screaming flesh. "STOP!"

"Xem--s-" The struggling male heard bits of another's voice. "Si---cal---own. Plea--." He continued to fight regardless of the cool rush his mind suffered at the voice. "Xe--as---aix----sir---" Pain. Such great pain. He wondered vaguely if this was hell, did Nobodies quality for hell anyways? There was such agony here, confusion, feelings, emotions! His skull felt ready to tear in two while sweat soaked every inch of his skin and he was shaking. Why did this hurt? Who was he? Why were none of his Organization protecting him? What Organization? _They all died._ A voice whispered in the back of his mind, only adding to the screeching of his bones and acidic blood. _They're all dead for you._

"SIR!" His eyes shot open and the light cut them in half. Noises, most commonly found in pets after tails had been crushed under heel of neglectful owners, burst from his dark lips and the male attempted to sit up and cover his eyes. More of the first faceless voice, and another joined. This one did not give off the radiant calm of the first, instead sent a burning sensation straight down his spine. Out of unknown reflex he began to swing at the regal second voice, wanting to catch it, crush it, devour it. That voice, it hurt more so then his exposed nerves and mangled bones all together. A hint of cloak, his strong hand scrambling to wrap a grip in the fabric, yank the bastard closer and…He had no idea who this was…but strangulation sounded fair.

"Sir, stop." The first voice again, his wrist was caught up in an unusually cool grip and pulled away from his targeted cloth. The limb was forced with impeccable strength to join the bed and lay at his side where it was pinned by the foreign vice of the other's hand. He muttered out a few demands, wanting explanations, answers, and even strangely questioned the state of some heart? There was silence, he turned to face the first voice and began to open his eyes. The light did not scald as much as before, yet the world was ablaze in a smear of whites and yellows as pupils struggled to adjust. A hint of blue came into focus, his vision tunneling slowly into clarity. Dark blue, midnight sky blue which framed a pale face, long thin lips hardly visible with how straight they were. He blinked, clearing his sight further, demanding to know the face of the cold voice. A sharp nose, carved cheek bones and…His eyes widened as he saw dark lashes that framed the most predator of glowing yellow eyes that could never change, and a scar that could never heal…no matter what body, heartless, or nothingness the man was. He stared, the other stared back before pulling away almost shakily from pinning the suffering other to the bed. It was a bed, a bed in an unfamiliar place, with an unfamiliar ceiling, and most of all an unfamiliar sight.

"Saix," Xemnas finally spoke, frowning at how his voice had changed, not knowing why or how. The short haired male, with the too dark of hair and far too slouched of stature for his number seven, perked slightly, raising yellow eyes that held pain in them: as though the name was a punishment.

"Yes Superior?" Saix's voice was the same.

"You cut your hair." And Xemnas, leader of Organization XIII, Lord of Naught, King of the emptiness…passed out.

The scarred male stared down at his once superior for the longest time before he dared to breathe, reaching over to begin adjusting the blankets that the dark skinned male had mused in his pain.

"He recognized you rather quickly."

"Yes."

Ansem the Wise noted as he fused over a wrinkle in his cloak. "Are you surprised? None of the others responded so, vigorously."

"He is stronger then most." The man once known as Saix stated simply, wolf eyes daring the blonde king to open his mouth again. "We are lucky he is weak. I could not control him before." The king's eyes watched carefully as pale hands obsessively smoothed the blanket over the sleeping male. As though a mere wrinkle would disturb his sleep.

"Ah, I suppose your right." Ansem nodded and began to head towards the other room upon hearing his tea kettle calling "I always found the best way to shut him up though, was a good bop on the head and shoving an ice cream bar in his mouth, then walking away as he hissed."


	2. Wrapped in Glory

**Rufio: Chapter two, forgive the beginning, I just can't resist stating my own opinion on certain things. Why? Because I'm a sheep...and we're PISSED! (Obscure reference, please ignore) Anyways forgive the pace of this chapter, I don't know why its slow but its got Ansem and Xemnas acting like screaming rival Queens…which they are. So all in all I'd say this chapter is at LEAST canon………..srsly .**

**Song: "No one would riot for less" Bright Eyes**

* * *

**Collateral **

**Chapter One: **Wrapped in Glory

"Isa be careful!" Ayda fretted as she rushed to scoop the small child up in her arms, and away from the thick woods. "There are wolves little one!" Isa pouted, his small face contorting to show his disappointment at being caught in such a wonderful escape. He'd always wanted to play alone in the woods, see a bear or perhaps even these wolves his mother feared so much. She would often tell him stories of monstrous beasts, a mix between wolf and man that could not be contained or defeated. Villages had been ravaged by such monsters for years, she was petrified of them. But little Isa didn't believe such things, he merely wanted to see a wolf with his own amber eyes and see if it turned into a man. If not then his mother feared for no reason. "Do you want to be a snack?" She asked, pointing a tanned finger at her child's pale pouting face.

"I can run!" Isa protested and struggled to escape his mother's grasp. He was small and Ayda was not weak. "I'm not scared!"

"Well you should be!" She carried her child back to camp where the others were settling for the night. The caravans had been mostly unloaded and the women were preparing dinner as men set up the tents and fires. It had not gotten dark yet but since there was no more hunters awaiting them in these forests, the gypsies felt no fear in settling earlier then needed. "They can run faster then you, have teeth as large as your fist! I will not lose you as well to such monsters." Her words had been said hundreds of times before and Isa had memorized them after the first few attempts to escape into the woods. The strong men went into these woods, baring their silver claymores and brave smiles. He wanted to join them, wanted to hunt with them. While young, he was growing fast, and soon enough believed he'd be permitted to fight at his family's side, hunting and battling the things in the darkness of the trees.

Now if only his mother would believe him.

Setting the child down Ayda knelt before him, cupping pale face and smiling fondly at his bright eyes. "Isa, my little one, you must understand that my fears are not unfounded." The child pouted, huffed, and looked away, face covered with such black hair it almost looked tinted in blue. "Isa, listen. When I still carried you, your father was taken from us by the wolves and those demons in the forests, he was the strongest of us. He died protecting our family, protecting you, why are you so eager to lose a life he gave his to protect?" Isa felt that damned sense of guilt that children often were plagued by when their mothers asked such mature questions. To him the answer was simple: he wanted to be strong like his father, to be brave. He heard the men talk of his father, such a powerful and strong man who fought off an entire pack of wolves, and not only survived his gaping wounds for weeks to come but continued to fight even when the shadow demons came creeping. All in their caravan honored his father, Isa merely wished to be just like him.

"I'm sorry mother." The child finally apologized. "I wont do it again." He looked up with his bright eyes into the soft of his mother's dark face, she smiled at him and Isa could nearly see her heart glowing.

"Yes you will," She laughed and began tickling the child's sides, pushing him to the ground as he wriggled and laughed with all his might, begging her, in-between his laughter, to stop. His head tumbled back into the grass and watering eyes opened slightly in hope to find someone to assist him.

Burning neon eyes shone from the shadows of the woods. "WOLF!" He cried, scrambling up into his mother's arms as the slitted eyes began to move. "Wolf!" His mother cried as well and the men were quick in collecting their weapons, rushing towards the forest line where the beast had been spotted. They arrived to find no traces of wolf, beast, or man alike.

Saix was gone before the group had managed to catch him, an easy feat for one such as him. Across the forest now he was more careful on how he stood and stared, his eyes too canine like for him to risk being so close. The once number VII now perched upon the thick upper branches of an ancient tree, surveying the caravan and it's people from afar, and out of sight. Watching the woman Ayda suffer from the fright, watching her son Isa try to calm her. Saix knew she was not at fault, after all, she had watched the wolves attempt to devour her husband. "Its dangerous for you to be lurking around this world Saix." Ansem's regal voice came as no surprise to the cerulean haired male, he'd smelt his presence before the blonde king had even exited the portal. Besides, only Master Ansem knew where he lurked when no one could find him. They stood in silence on the ancient tree, watching the gypsies as they sent out patrol, to ensure there were no wolves nearby, while the women tried to calm Ayda down. Isa stuck close to his mother, but his bright eyes could not stop looking towards the woods.

"I know." Saix answered, voice as empty as when he was a Nobody. Ansem watched the other male's eyes, how painful they were staring down at the group, longing to rejoin them as years ago. Now it was impossible. "He's growing so fast." The blonde king looked down to the child, the main focus of Saix's attention. "A year ago he was barely able to make a fist, and soon his mother will not be able to hold him."

"He looks far too much like you." Ansem nodded. The rest of the caravan had such black hair to rival the bats of Hades, and tanned flesh which spoke of forests and fields of sun. Little Isa was not as pale as Saix, but noticeably different then the rest, with bright eyes instead of brown or blue. And his hair, such a twisted blue it made him seem so foreign in the caravan.

"I resembled my soldier father more then my Gypsy mother as well." He spoke. "Everyone in the village knew I was a mutt, but my father was powerful, strong, they didn't dare treat me different when he was near. At least until Frollo began his hunt…" Ansem watched as Saix's clawed nails began to trace the mark across his face, a mark of shame and battle, marring the beautiful visage of the strong warrior.

"The fool apprentice of mine is stabilized. You should return." The king said, hoping to pull the Diviner out of his melancholy, and bring him home. "He needs you." the portal was opened and the older male stepped through, leaving it open for the other to follow. Saix continued to watch the gypsies for a few more moments, watching the small boy turn to stare up into the trees, amber meeting sharp yellow, and he followed after Ansem.

* * *

When Saix arrived through the portal, it was pure mayhem. Only years of training and animalistic nature permitted him to be quick enough, dodging the hurled pillow and watched as it was swallowed by the portal closing behind him. Sounds of shattering and screams filled the room, tables being knocked over, heavy breathing, Ansem's voice hollering "Calm down you scatterbrained fool!" And another, not quite as jovial voice responding:

"I'll end you!"

"Xemnas!" Saix spoke out and regained his senses after the pillow attack. He moved to pry Xemnas' injured body off Ansem's collar where the other was trying to wrap dark hands about the king's neck. "Please, restrain yourself!" He curled arms under the flailing male's and pulled the taller close to his chest. He immediately could feel the wounds on Xemnas' back reopening and the sticky warm of red seeped through the layers of his clothes.

"Let go of me!" Xemnas hissed, baring white teeth at Ansem. "I have to finish what I started those years ago!" Saix looked up at Ansem who was leaning against a dresser in the room, one hand rubbing his throat that had nearly been crushed in the angry male's grip. "Master Ansem what happened?" He felt Xemnas freeze in his grip but chose to ignore it for now.

"I fixed his blanket! Apparently that's justification for my execution!" The king shouted dramatically. "You are still a child, even after all these years!"

"At least I've stuck to my beliefs in that time!" Xemnas growled, his deep tone vibrating through Saix's bones

"Oh, here's the old argument again. What you held as beliefs nearly obliterated worlds! How can you carry pride in such madness?" Ansem threw his arms up in the air, frustrated as he turned to face away from his ex-apprentice. "Saix, remove him from my sight!"

"He doesn't obey you old fool." Xemnas spoke with a possesive growl. "He is mine."

Only a blind man would miss the way Saix's eyes flashed at the declaration. It would later be decided, in Xemnas' stubborn mind, that Saix had merely lost his grip on his ex-superior instead of out right dropping him to the floor. It was a far more believable conclusion then to think HIS Saix dropped him with dear disdain. Xemnas cried out in pain when he hit the floor and was in too much pain and shock to battle with the pale hands that recollected him immediately afterwards, settling him back into the bed. The ex-Superior glared and hissed as those same cool hands moved to examine around the gauze that twisted about his chest. "You're bleeding. I'll have to bandage you again." He spoke, simply, Ansem noting the azure-haired male's voice returned to that of a man without a heart. Then those cold lifeless yellow eyes, Nobody eyes, took Ansem by storm as he met that gaze. "It would be best if you left for now. I will alert you if I am in need of assistance." There was silence, Xemnas glaring down at the floor while trying not to react to the pain of Saix's touch on his wounds, Saix refusing to admit he was living: just staring, and Ansem who eventually shook his head in frustration and defeat.

"Fine." The elder male spoke, flustered and stung like a pouting child. "Have it your way, Just remember what I told you about shutting him up! Good luck!" He disappeared into the violently summoned portal, a flurry of agitation of red robe, leaving the two ex-Nobodies in the silence of the destroyed room. Leaving his ex-Master's side Saix moved to pick up the now broken side table that had been thrown, or perhaps kicked, in the newly awaken Xemnas' rage. Slowly he lifted shards of glass from the medicine vials that had been on the table as well as the rags and gauze that had slithered across the floor in the commotion. He could feel the other's now blue eyes burning on his shoulders, watching him from where he lay discarded on the bed. Saix didn't want to deal with this now, thought he was prepared, wasn't it seemed. His heart was making strange movements in the cavity of his chest, it was strange how the azure-haired had still not grown used to such a thing existing inside of him enough to understand what it meant now.

"Saix." That voice, lighter, but the same, stung on sharp pale ears and Saix turned only in the slightest. He did not greet Xemnas' eyes.

"Yes?" He could hear how the other's teeth scraped together in both anger and fear.

"What has happened to us?'

"Master Ansem would have been able to explain best, had you not chased him off."

"Do NOT call him Master!" Saix had to turn at the outburst, staring with empty eyes at his Superior, a heart filled Superior. There was a great difference between the man who lay weak before him and the strong, infallible leader they had all once served so readily. Almost child like with his demands and glares, trying to gain control of a situation he had no right to even ask about. He wondered how Xemnas felt, waking to a battered body that had changed, his enemy above him, and a heart warm beneath his bones. Saix had reacted violently when it was he laying in that bed, but being unable to move had greatly lessened the threat of his aggression. "Tell me what we are…" The taller male demanded, a hint of uncertainty in his tone. _Putting up a shield Superior? I do not blame you._ Saix rose to throw away the shards in his hands and moved to stand at the other's side. The request went unspoken but clear as ay time before; Xemnas moved to lay on his stomach, arms painfully folded under his head. The once VII began to pull off the bloodied bandages, sliding the gauze carefully from underneath the other's stomach. The warmth of Xemnas' skin almost surprising considering the other had always once been so cold. Cold skin accompanied by a cold heart, almost poetically fitting.

"No longer "Nobodies" , but not "Somebody" …We are "Somethings" perhaps."

"Somethings?" Xemnas questioned, wincing slightly as his lesser began to clean the blood from the massive gash that ran down his lower back. "How has this come to be?"

"Ma---Ansem will explain it to you. I am incompetent." The older male was silent for the rest of his repairs, eyes half closed through the re-stitching and wrapping. He was hardly breathing and it worried Saix, his heart quivering with uncertainty. "Xemnas…"

"How long?"

"Eh?" Xemnas pushed himself up off the bed, moving to sit on the side of the mattress and before his former subordinate. Saix stared down into the sea of silver hair, wanting very much with all his heart to pat said crown with a comforting hand. He resisted.

"How long has it been since we fell, and you began groveling in servitude for that man." The words all but screamed of emotion, dark emotion which Saix could not place logically. The manner in which his once-Superior was staring made him feel uncomfortable, cold, as though he'd been caught in the act of such a horrendous crime.

"Sir, I believe there are other pressing matters to attend to." He tried to change the subject, moving to escape that stare, but a strong grip became apparent at his side. "Release me."

"Answer me Saix." Xemnas growled. "I awake to find all I thought to have occurred turned on its head, to find that stubborn bore of a man hovering over me and you, you so protective over him. Correct me if I am wrong but was it not you whom swore to kill him at one time?" Saix's response was quiet, trying to avoid that blue stare, to formulate a response that would be satisfactory to his Superior, ONCE Superior. They were no longer nothings, they had hearts, emotions, he owed nothing to the man who refused his escape. Then, the azure-haired thought, why was he struggling to speak?

"That was the past Xemnas. We have all changed." Blue eyes perked up slightly, curious and dangerously confused all in one.

"We?" He questioned, grip tightening.

"You are too weak to be explained everything now Sir. Please. Rest." Xemnas glared, his expression clearly frustrated at being denied knowledge. At least some things never changed. "I will return to check on you after awhile. For now you should not be moving, your body is still adjusting and…"

"Tch! Silence. I do not require coddling from someone so weak as you." The taller male growled, pulling his hand away from Saix's body as though disgusted. "Go if you so wish to escape my presence. But when you return we will have this discussion and I will not permit you to escape me before I am satisfied with your explanations. You are dismissed number VII." The sudden urge to hit the male was creeping at the edges of Saix's mind, but he easily smothered those feelings and moved away from Xemnas, refusing to look at him. He wasn't sure if it was anger, disappointment, or shame that swirled about his mind but the diviner could feel his skin crawling. It slipped out before his fangs could stop it.

"Number VII exists no more." He spoke, voice low in warning. "You may refer to me as Saix if you please, most do, but outside of this building I am known as Ais. Never refer to me as that number again, it holds no meaning any longer to me." The door was slammed as he escaped the room, heart throbbing and racing, anger pulsating through his veins. The nerve of that man, superior as always even when he is at death's door! How dare he shuffle out insults so easily when it was clear that the only reason Xemnas was alive was Master Ansem and himself! Saix almost froze in his thoughts, his mad thoughts of anger and irritation that had caused such dismal rages to over take his mind. Frustrated as he was Xemnas was the one Ansem and the Mouse King had worried about the most, if he had ever been found that was. They feared his temper and his pride, his stubborn and thick skull. But now there was no choice, Ansem had rescued his foolish apprentice from the shadows of the void and brought him back. At least that was their story, their cover for what truly occured in the twisting nightmares of the Darkness. The discovery of a lost soul, the regret of a fallen caretaker; Ansem assured Saix the mouse King woud understand that spin better then the truth. But Xemnas could easily become a catalyst in everything they had worked so hard for. Now warm with hearts so much had been accomplished without their leader---what a shame for it to all go to waste at his expense.

Saix immediately shook the thoughts from his head, disgusted with himself as he considered his role in the once Number I's current state. The others had not reacted so calmly, why expect Xemnas, their prideful King, to be any more compliant. He had to be patient, as there was nothing to do now but sit and wait and see if he would be as accepting of their new fate as the others were once the shadows and terrors had been cleaned from his mind. Saix was uncertain if it was the stain of loyalty and dependence on the once King of naught that had his mind pleading for Xemnas to get his head out of his ass and play nice. Or something else. One side of his heart ached for the other to accept, agree, comply, and grow further. While the other was filled with such uncertain rage, confusion blinded him. He just didn't know, but either way it was going to be a painful and long experience. One which standing before his Superior's door, flesh irritated in the remnants of Xemnas' blood, was not assisting at all. He sent out a summons for assistance, to one he knew could aid him most, before giving up and heading to bed.

* * *

_Moments of consciousness were his only comfort. He would open his eyes and the black would fade away and reveal earth beneath him, blood around him. He could only presume the pain was great considering when his body regained the sensation of touch the man screamed for the agony to end. And just as soon as the pain came, it went, leaving him numb and empty. He didn't fear, or panic, nor was scared, merely numb both inside and out. Only when the pain returned did he scream in reaction to anything. It seemed strange to even do so much, to react when he hurt, as though he was faking or forcing the screams. No one was near, only the surrounding of black woods, silence, and a throbbing marble moon in the sky. The man could feel the moon more intensely then he'd felt the pain. The pulsating life force, the echo of light, a heart perhaps in the sky, but no longer in his chest._

_"Found em!" A sly voice startled him and while the man had the survival instincts to jump up and prepare for a fight, he had not the strength. "You owe me 70 munny ice cube!" A laugh accompanied by an irritated sigh, a shriller voice this time._

_"Found him?! You nearly tripped over him! If anything you should be paying me for damages done to the body!"_

_"Sour puss."_

_"Come now you two, don't start." Softer, slightly younger voice._

_"Hn." More of a rockslide then a voice…and then…_

_"Ah, fascinating…" There was no proper description for this voice, one could compare it to the roll of thunder, the sigh of the wind, perhaps even the hollow echo of the moon: but truly there was no comparison. "Is he alive?" A few snickers followed. _

_"As if Boss," The laughing voice came closer and rough hands were placed at the male's throat, his eyes refused to work. "Breathing, not beating." He could almost hear the other's grin. "You totally owe me munny Vex. Xal' ya gotta shake him if he doesn't."_

_"Sure. Sounds like fun." A dark voice purred at the expense of the shrill._

_"We'll discuss it later!" The shrill scoffed. "Shall we bring him wi…Xemnas?"_

_Xemnas?_

_The sound of feet, heavy boots crushing grass, neared, he could feel a shadow engulf him as the other knelt and the sound of metal chimes filled his ears. "Truly fascinating." The smooth tone purred and the male flinched as fingertips traced his brow, his scar, his shame. "We are not here to harm you." The unknown male spoke again. "You are safe, perhaps, do not pretend to fear. We all know you cannot." His eyes cleared again and ached from the adjustment from darkness to shadow. Cloaked figures surrounded him, some larger, some small, some slouching while others stood at military attention. But the one that truly caught his attention, the voice that terrified and both soothed him, hovered over him with hood pulled over his face, bright amber staring down from the shadow engulfed face. "Welcome to Nothingness, number VII."_

_Saix went berserk seconds later._

He shot up from the bed, clawed nails twisting in sheets, cutting the fabric while his skull was assaulted by the thrashing of his heartbeat. Saix couldn't catch his breath, the memory of that time, that form polluting his usually calm state and forcing emotions better left dead to the surface. He bit down into the flesh of his mouth, tasting blood as his body fought to change, the transform once again. Saix could feel his nails growing, his scar spreading open with sickening sounds of tearing flesh. Hissing in pain he tried to shift as bones began popping and churning, blood red hot. Burning yellow eyes glanced to the window where the full ripe moon stalked him, a reminder of what he was and never would escape. Truly he should call for Ansem if the male were still around, but who would come, Xigbar? Yes he was certain the other would be thrilled to deal with him like this considering it was Saix's berserk that stole his eye those years ago.

No, he had to calm down, had to control it unlike before. Before he had Kingdom Hearts and his Superior's aid in containing that beast, but now there was no such luxuries. He had to create the calm. Shielding his eyes from the moon behind pale lids his mind filled with the past: Ayda lurking just outside the woods, their first meeting. His father's grin when he was defeated by his only son. The happiness of running, escaping the persecution, her laughter as they preformed; fire spinners, the chimes, the songs, and the wind. The echo of night in those woods, nature together as one. Haunting sounds of the darkness, creeping demons on the outskirts of their camp, the fangs of wolves, the claws of monsters, Xemnas' eyes. "No!" He hissed, ripping claws from the sheets to cover his face. He refused to lose control of his mind, he refused to think on that past. He had his heart now, it was his and it would obey HIM. Not the heartless being of the past, nor his foolish Superior. Saix took heavy breaths and reminded himself over and again that it was HIS heart, no one else's, and no memories of a male he no longer was could take it away.

_"Show me that beast, number VII,"_ The pale glow of Kingdom Hearts had engulfed his form in a halo that time, a beckoning hand, a tempting smile. _"Show me what you hide."_

Eventually the pain faded, his nails returned to their average sharp, and his scar healed with little more then a dul throb; all was better. He returned to lay down and stared at the wounds he left across the mattress top. Cotton and fabric sprinkled the side of the bed with thick claw marks accompanying. Ansem would be upset, but at least he managed to control it this time. He returned his head to the pillow, turning to avoiding the sight of such damage, and closed his eyes. The glow of the full moon no match for the pair of blue eyes that watched him from the doorway.

* * *

**Rufio:** This chapter was a lot shorter then what I generally planned for, the bull is being shifted through. Have to get through the dry cracker in order to reach the cheese as I'm sure some bored and stoned author said once. Next chapter will explain the "wth is going on" WITH surfer accent. Y'all know what that means...Xiggy's ahoy!

R&R if you DARE...or feel like it.


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